A 5-Week Online Training on the Relational Life Model to Build Trust,
Find Leverage & Get Faster Results in Client Sessions

Approved for 12 CEs

A 5-Week Online Training on the Relational Life Model to Build Trust,
Find Leverage & Get Faster Results in Client Sessions

Approved for 12 CEs


Are you ready to take your couples therapy to an entirely new level?

Over the last twenty years I have been developing and teaching Relational Life Therapy (RLT). Now, for the first time, I am offering the heart of this training as an online course. It is designed to give you an in-depth introduction to the theory and practice of the model. It is also the first step toward RLT certification, and will prepare you for the in-person Level 2 & 3 trainings.

There are several key aspects of Relational Life Therapy:

First, I developed this approach to work with couples who are stuck. Sometimes they come to my office with only a few specific issues, but more often they come to me as a last resort: they’re there to heal their relationship or move on to separation and divorce. RLT has an extraordinary track record in helping these couples understand and change the dynamics of their relationship, restore it to balance, and pull it back from the brink.

Next, this model is all about empowering you as a therapist to use your own wisdom and intuition in your sessions. It gives you the framework and practical tools to build trust and rapport quickly. And the RLT approach can be used very successfully alongside other therapy models.

Finally, I have seen this model help thousands of therapists get faster and more effective results for their clients. In the kinds of situations I see, it can be quite detrimental to let therapy drag on. RLT allows you to go deep, understand quickly the negative patterns in the relationship, and help clients make quick and substantive changes.

In this training I will be giving you the fruit of my life’s work. You will get over 12 hours of video training, live calls with me, and a wealth of practical case studies and demos designed to help you become a better, more confident therapist.

I encourage you to join me for this special program.

I look forward to seeing you on the inside and to working with you.


RTL_terry sig

P.S.  I’ve put my heart into the Level 1 training we are about to start together—to make it exactly the training I wish I could have gotten myself. As you get deeper into it, you’ll see that there are many refinements and subtleties to the RLT model. For those who want to continue learning this approach, I am pleased to offer all who participate in this Level 1 program a $100 discount on my upcoming Level 2 live training.

“Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow.”

Terry Real

9 Ways RLT is Different from
Traditional Therapy

4. A Focus on Creating Swift and Permanent Change

Swift changes in old patterns. In traditional therapy, character is considered structural, deeply embedded, hard to change. In RLT, character is more or less equal to one’s internalized family—the repertoire of relational themes inherited from the family of origin.  Character can change, and RLT sets a high bar for change for clients—often dramatic change. It’s not unusual for clients to simply stop doing negative things they’ve done their whole lives; with support, these changes can be permanent. RLT moves fast and makes things happen—its techniques help clients make real characterological changes.

5. Individual Work in the Presence of the Partner

Deep character and trauma work are done right in the room, in the presence of the partner. This is different from traditional therapy, with its emphasis on individual work. It’s not about transference; it’s about the client changing their relationship with themselves and their partner. Unless one of the partners is quite viciously critical, people will go deeper in the presence of their partner.

6. Therapist as Fellow-Traveler

In traditional therapy, the therapist is an expert; either that, or in the Carl Rogers-style approach, the therapist is a follower. In RLT, the therapist is neither above nor below the clients; he or she is the coach and fellow-traveler, whose main authority comes from their personal relational recovery. RLT therapists make use of judicious self-disclosure—telling stories of how they use these skills in their own marriages and know what works.


7. It’s About Subjective Reality

There is no room for objective reality in personal relationships. Who’s right or wrong doesn’t matter. It’s about two subjective realities that have to negotiate with each other, make things work for themselves as a team.

8. Teaching Relational Living

Traditional therapy heals through nurturing; RLT believes that nurturing and empathy are necessary but not sufficient. The RLT therapist also coaches, confronts, teaches how to actually live relationally—in a way that is connected to oneself, one’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and to others. RLT is educational—it teaches what relational living looks and feels like.

9. Meeting at a Shared Connection Point

RLT believes that true intimacy can only happen when partners are “same as”—neither one-up nor one-down. This means helping couples to navigate where they are and bringing awareness to where the other partner is in the moment so they can make the conscious decision to find a meeting point.

A tip: “Don’t get out ahead of your client. They’re the ones to assert the leverage, not you. You go too far when you act as if you have more leverage than you have. You go too far if you take on the offender of the blatant, rather than have the latent take on the blatant, generally.”
–Terry Real

Introducing …

Relational Life Therapy

Online Level One Training

1. 12+ hours of Training Videos

You will receive 6 modules based on our LIVE training to learn all of the core foundation material of the Relational Life Institute unique model:

  • Introduction to Relational Life Therapy
  • Relational Mindfulness
  • Data Gathering and Seven Lenses 1-4
  • Data Gathering and Seven Lenses 5-7
  • Finding Leverage
  • Reconnecting

2. Five Weekly
LIVE Training Calls

Each week we’ll be together on a live webinar call to answer your questions. These will be online to review all of the information in the videos and extend the knowledge even further including talking about clinical applications for different types of therapists.

3. Transcripts and Downloads of ALL the calls and recordings

Along with transcripts and summaries of all the course training videos, you will also have access to transcripts and downloads of the live calls.

4. Private Facebook Group

Access to a private Facebook Group that will connect you with a worldwide community to discuss the week’s course material, share experiences, give and receive support.

5. Private Membership Site with Easy Access to All Training Materials

You can access all of the training materials (including recordings of the live calls,  demos, and case consults) at your leisure inside the site. Everything (except the demos, for reasons of confidentiality) will be downloadable.

PLUS, You’ll Receive These
Special Limited Bonuses:

Bonus #1
Making Love Work Digital CD Set

In this teaching, Terry Real addresses in a very practical way, what you can do RIGHT NOW to make relationships work in your own life. In today’s relationships, we want to become life-long lovers, but we simply don’t have the skills or tools to realize this dream.

Bonus #2
Sign up for Level 2 training for only $447 (a $100 Discount)

(Only available if you purchase with this program.)

This 2-day Advanced Level 2 Training is for the experienced clinician who understands the basic theoretical framework and principles of the Relational Life Model. The objective is for participants to gain full competency in the clinical practice of RLT, and is designed to provide more in-depth coverage of the therapeutic skills needed for effective practice. This training is taught by Terry Real.

The next Level 2 live trainings are as follows:
Toronto – Sept 23-24, 2017
Seattle – March 30-31, 2018
Boston- September 22-23, 2018
Additional  2017-18 trainings will be announced based on response.

Bonus #3
Working With Infidelity in Couples Therapy

Terry presents tools and techniques for therapists to use to help couples reeling from this particular relationship crisis. The set contains four one-hour classes, covering the following topics:

  • The first question: What kind of infidelity and why?
  • To what degree is it primarily the involved partner’s character issues?
  • To what degree is it primarily a reaction to the relationship?
  • What about sex addiction?
  • The goals of treatment – changing the relationship by changing the character of the partners within it.
  • The therapeutic use of self – holding the disparate parts.
  • The very different experience and interactions of the key players.
  • How to diagnose the relationship itself.
  • The healing process/levels of healing.
  • Critical elements of rebuilding.
  • Different reasons for infidelity.
  • Types of infidelities.

“Terry helps reawaken couples who seem trapped in a long-term stalemate and allows them to move toward growth and fuller Selfhood.”

Richard Schwartz, originator of Internal Family Systems

What’s inside each module:

Introduction to
Relational Life Therapy

The differences between RLT and traditional psychodynamic therapy are explored. Also considered are the stances of “one-down shame” and “one-up grandiosity” in couples; according to RLT, true intimacy can only happen when partners are “same-as” with each other. RLT is about action and swift results, helping people to make major changes to the negative parts of their character, and the critical role and stance of the therapist is described. Presented also are the concepts of Joining Through the Truth and psychological patriarchy.  

In this module, you will learn:

  • The RLT phases, and how RLT differs from traditional therapy
  • To understand the RLT view of power imbalances in couples, of psychological patriarchy, and how these are addressed through therapy
  • To describe the role and approach of the therapist in RLT

Relational Mindfulness

The core practice of Relational Mindfulness is explained. In essence it is about being conscious of the “whoosh” of being swept away by our habitual responses (known in RLT as the “first consciousness”) as it happens, and applying the skills of stop, breathe, think (or the “second consciousness”) to whatever the situation is. Also explored are the three parts of the psyche (the Functional Adult, Adaptive Child, and Wounded Child) according to RLT.

In this module, you will learn to:

  • Understand the practice of Relational Mindfulness
  • Explain the “fight, flight, or fix” responses to the “whoosh” of the first consciousness
  • Understand the functions of the three aspects of the psyche

Data Gathering and the Seven Lenses (1-4)

The reasons why, in RLT, data must be gathered as a first stage of therapy. Also laid out are the seven diagnostic lenses of RLT, and the first four explored in depth.

In this module, you will learn to:

  • List the seven lenses
  • Explain the role of data gathering
  • Understand how preconditions are addressed in RLT
  • Differentiate the various losing strategies clients employ
  • Explain the difference between blatant and latent stances

Data Gathering and the Seven Lenses (5-7)

The “stance, stance, dance” dynamic is explained, tools are given to describe each partner’s pattern and the dance that results, and the goal of therapy in working with this entire dynamic expressed. Losing strategies are revisited, and the “relational grid” diagnostic tool is laid out, as are descriptions of the two kinds of boundaries. The three major family of origin roles are discussed, and advice is given on how to work with grandiose women as well as grandiose men.

In this module, you will learn to:

  • Understand “stance, stance, dance”
  • Explain the relational grid and track losing strategies against it
  • Explain the two kinds of boundaries
  • Understand the major family of origin roles and how they play with stances
  • Understand effective approaches to working with grandiose women as well as grandiose men

Finding Leverage

This module moves from diagnosis to treatment. Some common therapeutic mistakes are described, as are the two kinds of grandiosity and the differences between grandiosity and shame. The concept of leverage–what it is, why it’s necessary, and how it can be used—is explored. Advice is given on empowering latent people, and the concept of the “relational champion” is presented.

In this module, you will learn to:

  • Understand some common therapeutic mistakes
  • Describe the kinds of grandiosity, and contrast it to shame
  • Understand the concept of leverage and how to use it
  • Describe strategies for latent people
  • Understand that RLT requires that the latent person be a “relational champion” in therapy


Methods for “reconnecting’—for using leverage to make patterns apparent and for engaging clients in the therapy—are explored. The different roles of the therapist are presented, and the heroic nature of the RLT work is described: how it is a heroic act for clients to face multi-generational dysfunction and, for the benefit of future generations, put an end to it.

In this module, you will learn to:

  • Understand the concept of “reconnecting”
  • Recognize three therapeutic roles
  • Appreciate the heroism of RLT work

“Falling in love is easy, staying in love is another matter. Couples yearning for more closeness are truly in uncharted territory . . . until now, that is. Terry offers amazing new insights about men and women and what it takes to make relationships work in our ever-changing culture.”

     –Michele Weiner-Davis, MSW, author of Divorce Busting


Approved for 12 CEs
(Available for purchase after the course.)

Professions include: Psychologists, Psychoanalysts, Social Workers, Counselors/Marriage and Family Therapists, Creative Arts Therapists, Chemical Dependency Counselors

For full CE information, click here.

CE Approved

Once Again, Here’s Everything You’ll Receive:

Introducing …

Level One Relational Life Therapy Training
in Six Complete Modules

  1. 12 hours of Training Videos [VALUE: $600]
  2. Five Weekly LIVE Training Calls [VALUE: $500]
  3. Transcripts and Audio Downloads of ALL the calls and video recordings [VALUE: $215]
  4. Private Membership Site with Easy Access to All Training Materials and Bonuses  [VALUE: priceless]


    Plus, these Bonuses:

  5. Bonus #1 – Making Love Work Digital CD Set [VALUE: $40]
  6. Bonus #2 – Sign up for Level 2 training for only $447 [Discount: $100]
  7. Bonus #3 – Working With Infidelity in Couples Therapy [VALUE $65]

Enrollment is now closed! Click here to be put on the waitlist.

Money-Back Guarantee

I’m confident you’ll be happy with the Relational Life Therapy Online Training. However, if you are not 100% satisfied with your purchase, simply contact us at [email protected] within 21 days and we’ll give you a full refund, no questions asked.

“If you’re tired of the same old dance, get ready to learn a few new steps—real steps—the ones that will make a difference in your life and the lives of those you love.”

     –Cheryl Richardson, author of Life Makeovers


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